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On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple had a fatal car accident.
The couple found themselves sitting outside Heaven’s Gate waiting on St. Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wondered if they could possibly get married in Heaven.
A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that her battery was run out, so she instructed her son to use his phone to pass along an urgent message to daddy, who is at work.
An armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the cashier to load a sack full of cash.
Should I lie?
Mr. Smith asked his wife for advice about his upcoming court case in which he could
possibly win $50,000 from the insurance company. “Honey, if I lie I’ll win the case. But
then I would have broken an oath sworn on the Holy Bible.”
His wife says, “I don’t want to advise you to do the wrong thing, but…”
“But, what?”
“Let me put it this way,” his wife explained. “Treat the prosecuting attorney like I treat
you in bed.”
Puzzled, Mr. Smith asks, “How so?”
Mrs. Smith replies, “Just lie there ’til he goes away.”
A man goes to Frederick’s of Hollywood. He wants to buy his wife the most sheer lingerie he can find. The woman behind the counter goes and gets an outfit. “This is $200,” she says. “I want one that’s more sheer,” says he. “This one is $350.” “I want it even more sheer than that.” “This one is the most sheer that we have. It’s $500.” “I’ll take it!”
THE SUCCESS OF MARRIAGE!
Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary.
Young lovers
Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he’s back inside, he says, “Honey, my hands are freezing!” She says, “Well, put them here between my thighs and that will warm them up.”
After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and say, “Man! My hands are really freezing!”
She says, “Well, put them here between my thighs and warm them up.” He does, and again that helps.
After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop some wood to get them through the night. When he returns, he says again, “Honey, my hands are really, really freezing!”
She looks at him and says, “God Damn, don’t your ears ever get cold?”
John woke up after the annual office party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you.”“My darling,” he replied, “I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”
Those who have not yet got the internal meaning a clue for them : meaning of the last line is “mother-in-law to kiss my as s too” LOL 
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