Very Funny Jokes

“In choosing his men,” said the Sabbath-school superintendent, “Gideon did not select those who laid aside their arms and threw themselves down to drink; but he took those who watched with one eye and drank with the other.”

By Jones

When Grover Cleveland’s little girl was quite young her father once telephoned to the White House from Chicago and asked Mrs. Cleveland to bring the child to the ‘phone. Lifting the little one up to the instrument, Mrs. Cleveland watched her expression change from bewilderment to wonder and then to fear. It was surely her father’s voice—yet she looked at the telephone incredulously. After examining the tiny opening in the receiver the little girl burst into tears. “Oh, Mamma!” she sobbed. “How can we ever get Papa out of that little hole?”

By Jones

William Phillips, our secretary of embassy at London, tells of an American officer who, by the kind permission of the British Government, was once enabled to make a week’s cruise on one of His Majesty’s battleships. Among other things that impressed the American was the vessel’s Sunday morning service. It was very well attended, every sailor not on duty being there. At the conclusion of the service the American chanced to ask one of the jackies:  Read more... (119 words, 11 images, estimated 29 secs reading time)

“What a homely woman!”

“Sir, that is my wife. I’ll have you understand it is a woman’s privilege to be homely.”  Read more... (42 words, 11 images, estimated 10 secs reading time)

The widower had just taken his fourth wife and was showing her around the village. Among the places visited was the churchyard, and the bride paused before a very elaborate tombstone that had been erected by the bridegroom. Being a little nearsighted she asked him to read the inscription, and in reverent tones he read:  Read more... (113 words, 11 images, estimated 27 secs reading time)

As every southerner knows, elderly colored people rarely know how old they are, and almost invariably assume an age much greater than belongs to them. In an Atlanta family there is employed an old chap named Joshua Bolton, who has been with that family and the previous generation for more years than they can remember. In view, therefore, of his advanced age, it was with surprise that his employer received one day an application for a few days off, in order that the old fellow might, as he put it, “go up to de ole State of Virginny” to see his aunt.  Read more... (174 words, 11 images, estimated 42 secs reading time)

The neighbors of a certain woman in a New England town maintain that this lady entertains some very peculiar notions touching the training of children. Local opinion ascribes these oddities on her part to the fact that she attended normal school for one year just before her marriage.  Read more... (149 words, 11 images, estimated 36 secs reading time)